How to Find Tranquility with an Overthinking Brain
Being that I specialize in anxiety, many of my clients come to session with reported excessive overthinking. They might be worried about a conversation that they had with someone and wonder if they hurt their feelings, can’t remember if they said something offensive or if that person took what they said offensively. They might overthink what they said based on the person’s response, such as their facial expressions or if they were “short” with them. Some clients might be going through a breakup, in which they are left wondering what they did or what is wrong with them that their significant other broke up with them. They wish they could read their mind and gain insight into what this other person might have been thinking.
Others might be worried about their health. They are hyperaware, which has its pros and cons. They notice right away when something is wrong with them, begin to research on Google excessively, to the point where they make themselves sick because everything they are reading is telling them the worst possible outcome. Anxiety symptoms begin to creep in, such as accelerated heart rate, fatigue, headaches, abdominal pain, insomnia, chest pain, muscle tension, sweating, and much more. Now they actually feel sick and the anxious cycle continues.
What you are experiencing is rumination, or repetitive thinking. Many people believe that rumination is rare to experience, but in fact it is very common. Everyone experiences rumination as a response to their daily experiences, which might be either positive or negative in nature. Over time, getting stuck in excessive negative thinking can lead to negative self-esteem and self-worth, as well as depressive symptoms. How do we break this cycle of negative spiraling in anxiety? First, we want to bring awareness to our thoughts. Once you bring awareness to the thoughts, you can work to alter the thoughts, and in turn break the cycle.
One of the most important ideas from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), a research driven therapy approach, is that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are intertwined into a cognitive triangle. If we have negative thoughts, we often feel uncomfortable or debilitating emotions, and we sometimes act negatively on those feelings. For example, say that you interviewed for a job that you really wanted and found out that you didn’t get it. You might think “maybe they chose someone who was more qualified than me”, “maybe they didn’t like me or my personality”, “maybe I said something that rubbed them the wrong way”, “maybe I wasn’t good enough”, and as you can see, the excessive thoughts are beginning to spiral. Often, when there is uncertainty, the rumination shows up. In this scenario, the thoughts might lead to feeling sad, worthless, insecure, rejected, helpless, overwhelmed, inadequate, and much more. Many times, people will act on these negative emotions and sometimes impulsively. Someone in this situation might try to avoid or escape the situation by using drugs or alcohol, they might reach out to the employer and give them a piece of their mind, or they might experience negative self-esteem and not want to apply to any more jobs in fear of being rejected again. If we can instead, bring awareness to the negative thoughts and reframe them to say something more positive such as “I didn’t get the job this time around, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get the next job I interview for,” “maybe there was a reason I didn’t get this job and there is a better one waiting for me,” or “just because I didn’t get it doesn’t mean I’m not highly qualified or have a great personality, I’ve got it next time.” These thoughts will lead to more feelings of motivation, optimism, hopefulness, confidence, curiosity, peace, and more. The behaviors that follow these feelings will likely result in something like reaching out to the company for constructive criticism so that you can move forward a better candidate and interviewer, motivation to apply to more positions, confidence in yourself and your career, and more. Reframing these thoughts can be challenging and take a lot of practice, but once you can start practicing this more often, the better you will feel.
Are you interested in Anxiety Therapy?
I hope you learned more about CBT’s cognitive triangle and how our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are connected and how that relates to anxiety. Let’s connect so that you can learn more about breaking down your own thought processes in therapy for anxiety to help you find more tranquility and peace.
